you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
