the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
