I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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