Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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