Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
