come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize