If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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