i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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