I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
