So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
