Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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