I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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