Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
