You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
