I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
