So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
