So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Slut skills are useful in every country.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize