just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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