When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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