i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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