We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
