I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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