If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
