No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
