I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
