So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
