Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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