Sponge bath it is.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
