Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize