Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
