Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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