Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
