So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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