oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize