With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
