Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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