Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
