Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
