there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize