Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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