Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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