it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
