Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
