I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
