I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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