The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
