I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
