I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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