No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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