Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My ass is underappreciated
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
