My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
