Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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