I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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