So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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