She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
