Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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