I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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