I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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