he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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