So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
