I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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