Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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