this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
