Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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