...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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