What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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