it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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