rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
