I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
