i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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