I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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