btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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