i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
