Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize